How many times have you heard the phrase "I have to..." or "They made me..." or "I had no choice...". Did you really "have" to? Did they really "make" you? Did you truly have "no choice"? Anytime you have a choice (which is almost always), you don't have to choose a particular option, and no one can make you choose that option. The option you choose is the one you want.
For example, you work at a place you dislike. Some morning, you may be tempted to say "I have to go to work today." Well, that's not really true. You have other options. You could choose to not go to work that day. You could choose to never go to work there ever again. There are plenty of humans out there that choose that option. What makes you different than them? There would be ramifications for sure. You may want to explain the situation to your employer; you may want to find a new job; you may lose your house and/or your family. You could choose to live in a box and eat dog food. The point is that you choose to go to work because you want that more than you want all the alternatives .. when you consider all the factors.
Humans rarely make other humans do anything. A man points a gun at your head and says "Give me your wallet." You give him your wallet because you want to more than you want a bullet hole in your skull. He is not making you give him your wallet unless he pins you down and forcefully takes it from you. Your boss (or spouse) makes you do something? Not likely, unless he/she is physically forcing your body to do it. And at that point, he/she is the one doing it, not you
There are certain situations in which you must do something. But these are situations in which there is truly no choice. Your body must die. You must obey the laws of physics. You can't choose an alternative in these situations (unless of course you are a superhero).
If you want to choose a happy life, think of the situations you encounter as opportunities to evaluate your choices (even the not-so-obvious ones) and go with what you want. If you think you can make someone do what you want, guess again. All you can do is provide more information to that person and hope that it motivates them to want what you want. Embrace life and be happy that you have so many choices.
Fair, but some of that becomes semantics, doesn't it? The man with the gun is leveraging a want that, for most of us, is so absolute that it might just as well be a "made." Where that line gets drawn -- choose vs. make -- is as much a matter of common conditioning, mores and desires as anything else, no? ;-)
ReplyDeleteYes. One may argue it is semantics or wordsmithing. I like to view of it as a different way of thinking. The gun example is certainly an extreme one. But there are many less extreme situations in which people view themselves as victims of the situation (legitimately or not) rather than choosing how to go forward.
DeleteI can see it either way, frankly. Even in less-extreme cases, though, the freedom of choice that we all have is so conditioned out of us, whether on the nominal-victim side or (worse?) on the nominal victimizer side, that it could easily be a slippery slope.
DeleteTongue in cheek, maybe, but tomorrow I might choose to act on the idea that some people just need a pat on the head. With a chair. ;-)
Or maybe I'll adhere to the social contract after all. We'll see.
Can I call you for bail if I don't though...? ;-)
You can call me for bail anytime, but we'll see how I choose to respond. :)
Deleteyou might like my thoughts...
ReplyDeletehttp://infinityprinciple.ning.com/photo/freedom-i-will-i-should
http://infinityprinciple.ning.com/photo/play-choose-decide
I suspect brian is referring to this one...
http://infinityprinciple.ning.com/profiles/blogs/leadership-accountability
I'll pass on the pat on the head though! LOL
I like your take on choice as "Play". I also like to think of choice as Empowering. I "want" to be empowered to play. I "will" be empowered to play.
DeleteHeh. Close, but I was thinking more along the lines of the logical subset or extension (depending on point of view) of Locke's social contract theory as debated in an ethics class I took many moons ago (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_contract).
ReplyDeleteBut you still win a pat on the head, just without chair... ;-)